We all remember our first lesbian experiences. Mine changed the entire direction of my life. How could I forget that?! My first lesbian experience was a two part series. There was the almost lesbian experience followed by the real lesbian experience. My first lesbian experience happened when I was married to John so this story takes a little step back in time from my coming out story.
A group of my friends were out celebrating a friends birthday. We all decided to go to a bar and drink and dance and because no one wanted to drive home, we all agreed ahead of time to get hotel rooms. So I was sharing a hotel room with Monique, Sue and Shirley. Well, Shirley ended up meeting up with a guy she knew and so she decided to go home with him. That left Monique, myself and Sue in the room. Monique and I were tired and drunk so we decided to make our way back to the hotel. Sue
stayed with the others that we had been out with that evening and was going to make her way to the hotel room later on.
So off Monique and I went to the hotel room. I really had no idea that anything was going to happen. I knew I felt extremely close to Monique, but that was it.
The hotel room had two queen beds and Monique and I were sharing a bed. We got ready and crawled into bed. Monique started to cuddle me. It felt nice. She then started to caress my stomach and upwards towards my breasts. I could hardly breath. I think I was actually holding my breath. For the first time in my life I could feel a true desire to be touched by a woman. As her hand moved upwards closer and closer to my breast, the hotel room door opened. It was Sue. Sue decided she was bored at the bar and came back to the room. Just like that, my first lesbian experience ended before it had really even started. I felt upset inside. I was wishing Sue had chosen to stay in another room and Monique and I had the room to ourselves. No such luck though.
The next morning I felt confused a bit. After all, I was married to John. What was I doing? I was exhilerated though. I needed to have the experience I missed out on the night before. I was craving it. I was imagining it. I knew for sure I wanted it. How was it going to happen though?
Luckily for Monique and I, everyone of the girls had fun and thought we should go out again in the near future. So it was planned. Girls night out. This time though, Monique and I had a room to ourselves. It did not take us long that evening to decide that we had enough of the bar and to head back to the room. This time we knew we were safe. No one would be walking into the room. It was just the two of us.
I know we were both nervous that night. You could feel the energy in the air. I had never had a lesbian experience before. Monique however, had lesbian experiences before. I did not know about her prior experiences though. I would have been a lot more nervous if I had know that Monique was an experienced lesbian. We just never talked about anything lesbian so it was not like a conversation about lesbian sex and partners came up. After all, Monique had a boyfriend and I had a husband. We were straight, right?!
Up to that point in my life, I had never been touched like I was by Monique that night. It was so soft and so gentle. Monique was a woman, she knew what felt good for a woman and how a woman's body should be touched. I felt comfortable. Everything felt normal and right. Everything felt more emotional. I loved the feel of a woman's body. Her skin so soft, the curve of her hips, the soft kisses, the entire experience. It definitely was an experience like I had never had up to that point in my life.
I remember after Monique and I had sex, she went to the washroom. Those few moments alone on the bed with my own thoughts felt like an eternity. The reality of what just happened was hitting me. I felt exhilarated and like I had discovered what I truly wanted in life. Although I knew I did not belong with Monique, I knew I belonged with a woman. I also thought of John. I looked at my hand with my wedding band on it. Monique's wetness from being so turned on by me was all over my wedding band. I had been inside her and in that moment I loved it. In the moment where I was staring at her all over my wedding band, my heart sunk. In discovering me, I went against everything I believed in. I cheated on John. I hated cheaters. I thought they were selfish, self centered and uncaring people. Here I sat, a cheater. A cheater with Monique's wetness caked onto my wedding band.
Monique returned to the bed and I quickly scooted off the the bathroom to try and wash my guilt away. I had guilt over cheating, but even more guilt over the fact that I wanted to have sex with a woman again. My guilt however disappeared rather quickly as it was not but a few days later that Monique and I were at it again. Every chance we got we were having sex. I was craving sex for the first time in my life. I was like a kid in a candy store. I just wanted more of everything.
About three months after our affair started, Monique had to move away for work and our affair stopped. By that time though, I had met other lesbians and was active in the lesbian community. I was going to fly girl nights at the bars, meeting new lesbians and making new lesbian friends. I had a ton of lesbian friends now. There was no stopping me. Monique was gone, but that was okay with me. There was more candy in the candy store. I was surrounded by a new world, a world full of lesbians and I loved every moment of it.
My first lesbian experience was really just that, it was an experience. It was an experience that solidified my personal knowledge of who I was and who I wanted to be. It was a necessary experience that shaped my life from that point on. My experience did not have anything to do with Monique herself. I did not love Monique. I found her attractive at the time, but I had no intentions of living my life with her. She called me after she moved and told me how much she missed me and she wanted me to leave John and be with her. I did not want that. I panicked when she said that. I had been in it for the experience, not for a committment.
Eventually Monique and I just stopped talking. She moved on with her life and met someone new. I no longer had to worry about her asking me to be with her. I felt relieved about that. Now I could just focus on my new lesbian world that I had thrown myself into. I could experiment. Oh ya, and I had to deal with John.
Not everyone has a great first lesbian experience. It all depends on the lesbian you pick to have your experience with. Unfortunately for Kass she picked a pillow queen to have her first lesbian experience with. Kass will tell you that she new right away that she loved touching a woman. She loved kissing them, feeling how soft everything was and she loved the emotional side to being with a woman. She wanted the emotional connection that came along with women.
Kass' first lesbian experience was basically getting the pillow queen, Martha, to climax. Then the pillow queen felt obligated to touch Kass so she half heartedly touched Kass, but did not touch Kass till she fully climaxed. So when Martha went to the bathroom, Kass felt unfinished to say the least and would lie in bed touching herself, frustrated and needing to finish the job herself.
Kass continued the relationship with Martha though for quite some time. Kass just loved exploring a woman's body and well Martha was a woman. Eventually Kass realized that there were other lesbians out there and a lot of them would love to make love to her too. So Martha and Kass went their separate ways.
Kass was married at the time of her first lesbian experience with Martha. She was however separated and getting a divorce. Kass like a lot of first timers had a mixed bag of emotions. She liked what was happening, but there was occasions when she felt a bit of guilt. Like the time sitting in church all she could think about was the reality of what had been happening between her and Martha. It wasn't really guilt she felt. It was more like a true realization of the fact it had happened and it represented pretty much everything opposite to the belief system of the people surrounding her at that given moment.
I think for most people, we have a fond memory of our first lesbian experience. It represents a defining moment in our lives for most of us. It definitely was a defining moment in my life. It is not that I was attached to Monique or in love with Monique. I was in love with the idea of being with a woman. I was in love with the idea of discovering who I was and what I wanted. I was in love with the idea of living my life for me, how I wanted, with whom I wanted. I was in love with the feeling that I had been set free.
More of the adventure in these posts:
