I can recall in my younger years just loving women.  I remember the teachers I had crushes on.  I remember the girls in school I wanted to be "friends" with.  I remember the hugs from a friend that felt, well better than just a hug.  But I always wondered, Am I Gay?

This discovery into our sexuality starts differently for all of us.  Sure there may be some things that are similar, but it is an individual journey, with our own thoughts and emotions.  Our own worries.  Our own fears. 

I used to always think that I liked those teachers and liked the hugs from my certain female friend because I was a more emotional person.  I thought I was just wired to work on a more emotional, spiritual and even philosophical level.  So I asked myself this question.....Could I see myself having sex with a woman?  Could I see myself having sex with my certain friend?  What was my answer?  No!  So I concluded that I was not a lesbian, but rather an extra emotional female and moved on with my life.

The answer to THAT question about sex with a woman lead me on a major journey in life.  One that we have to just chalk up to being an experience!  You see, although somewhere inside me I truly knew I was gay, I must have not been ready to let everyone or even myself know about it yet.  So I followed what was EXPECTED of me!  Yes, I dated the opposite sex, not very much though!  I know, I cringe at the thought now too! 

Are you ready for this though?  I got married, and to a man at that!  Before everyone wonders themselves to death, do not worry, I am now divorced.  Divorced twice actually, but that is another blog! 

So the marriage (to the man, we will just call John) lasted for about three years, although I had been with him for more than ten years in total.  And ladies, let me tell you, I knew I was a lesbian once I got married.  Nothing against the ex.

I think that there is a pretty good clue that you are in fact a lesbian when you just do not want your husband to see you naked cause he might want sex.  Maybe the rushing off to bed first and pretending to be asleep before John came to bed was a clue too!  How about hearing John walk down the hall towards the bedroom while I am changing and rushing to get changed so there was no skin to be drooled over.  I think that was a clue! 

I think the true give away that I was a lesbian was when John and I actually had sex.  After feeling bad for depriving John for a month, I would give in.  The only part of sex I liked was the images of the gorgeous women I had in my head.  The beautiful curves, the soft breasts, the soft skin, prefectly smooth buttocks.......Women are beautiful!  Ya, I think that was kind of a sure sign that yes, I am gay!

Story to be continued...And wait till you meet my lesbian friends! 

Send us your comments.  Let us all know how you discovered your answer to the question ... AM I GAY?

HackingEthics